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When our kids misbehave, it can make a day quickly turn from good to bad. Sometimes there’s a clear answer why our kids are misbehaving:
- they are hungry
- they are tired
- they are out of routine
- they have been eating too much sugar
- they are reacting to life circumstances (like a death in the family)
But the reality is that a child’s misbehavior is often just a sign that they need more of your attention and your time.
Kids don’t always know how to tell us what they need. So it comes out in whining, crying, acting out, annoying behaviors that can drive us crazy. We can get so wrapped up in our own to-do list that we haven’t filled up their cups.
Sometimes all it takes is 20 minutes of one-on-one time to turn a day around. When we stop what we’re doing, put aside our to-do list, and fill our kids’ cups, it often stops the misbehavior when it happens – or turns it around.
A strong parent-child connection does more than just build good relationships with our kids. It also helps our kids make better decisions in their day. Those intentional misbehaviors that happen when they’re vying for our attention are turned to constructive behaviors. It’s easy to forget how much our time and attention means to them. These little moments are not little to them at all, mama.
But no matter what, your kids are going to misbehave. They’re going to mess up and make mistakes. Because they’re kids! Kids with brains that aren’t fully developed yet.
You have a big impact on the choices they make through your parenting, modeling good behavior, disciplining appropriately when you need to, but they will make mistakes and bad decisions. Even if you do all the right things! They will still get cranky and break down and yes, they will do it at the worst possible moment. (Probably in front of the person who is going to judge you for it, because that’s how life goes sometimes. ;)
But this doesn’t make you a bad mom. And it certainly doesn’t define you or reflect your worth. You are not defined by your kids’ behavior.
Your kid throws a tantrum at the grocery store? That doesn’t define you.
Your kid who is old enough to “know better” breaks the rules? That doesn’t define you.
Your kid doesn’t do their homework even after you remind them? That doesn’t define you.
Your kid says something mean to their sibling or friend? That doesn’t define you.
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When these misbehaviors come up, ask yourself:
- What physical needs do my kids have that aren’t being met?
- What emotional needs do my kids have that aren’t being met?
- What is happening in our life/our schedule that might be impacting my child’s behavior?
- What can I do right now to connect with my child?
Do what you can to fill their cups, model good behavior, and love them through the bad choices. But don’t wear it all on your shoulders. Watch this Cultivate Your Home video to give you some ideas on how to connect with and delight in your kids.
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