CYH: Eliminating & preventing burn out in motherhood & homeschool

Jess

3 years ago

**This post is part of the Cultivate Your Home membership community. To read the full post, please join our monthly membership for access to this and other content to support you in your motherhood, homeschool, and handmade life**

Burnout is so common in motherhood and homeschool – but just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s normal or unavoidable! I’ve definitely had seasons of burnout in my life, but I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be a regular pattern in my motherhood, my homeschool, and my life. I’ve learned how to notice it before it begins and even how to prevent it.

First of all, I want to say that I’m not talking here about seasons of life when you’re walking through grief, when you’re in the postpartum season, or you’ve had a serious trauma in your life. While some of the things I’m talking about might be helpful for those seasons, I think that those seasons are different than a more general “burnout.” I’m also not talking about depression or anxiety (postpartum or general) – if you are walking through a mental health struggle, please seek the help of a naturopath, therapist, or other practitioner who can help you.

In my own life, I find that burnout often comes from:

too much on my plate or in my schedule
being overwhelmed by clutter in my house
not taking care of myself – emotionally, physically, or spiritually
discontentment
misplaced priorities
unrealistic expectations

Let’s break each of those down a little bit…

Too much on my plate or in my schedule

When my schedule gets too full and I’m running from thing to thing, activity to activity, place to place, it’s SO stressful. Those conditions are ripe for sending me straight into burnout! I need to have time and space to rest, to enjoy my family, to garden, to hike, to sew, to sit on the couch and having coffee with my husband on Saturday mornings.

This also happens to me when I say YES to too many things. Even good things can burn you out! No one can do it all – and no one can say yes to it all. Eliminate the things that aren’t serving you in this season. Even good things!

We had a season where we owned an AirBnB. In theory, it was great. It was profitable. We loooved the house. We had enough bookings. But it was taking time away from our family. We were spending all of our spare time at the property.

We ultimately decided to sell it – not because it wasn’t a good investment or a good source of income, but because it wasn’t the right priority and was putting far too much on our plate.

This doesn’t have to be something huge like an AirBnB – it could be extracurricular activities, church commitments, homeschool co-ops, work events, etc. If your schedule is too full, you will burnout!

If you haven’t watched this CYH video on keeping an unburdened schedule, check it out here.

Overwhelmed by clutter

When my home is overwhelming to me and there’s too much stuff, it starts to spill over into all areas of my life. There are studies that show that clutter has a huge impact on our mental health.

Everything in your house requires something of you – your time as you maintain, clean, and organize it. It requires your mental and physical energy when things are out of place or a mess.

I’m not a minimalist by nature, but I know that the more I can minimize the stuff in our home and clear out the visual clutter, the more peaceful my home feels. And the less I get overwhelmed or stressed or upset with my family for leaving their mess on the counters or the floor.

Check out this post

If you haven’t read the post about keeping your home, you can find it here.

Not taking care of myself

I don’t love the term self-care, but as moms we do have to care for ourselves. But not in a pithy “just take a bath” kind of way. We can’t take care of our kids if we aren’t taking care of ourselves. When we don’t eat well, stay active, or get enough sleep, it impacts how well we mother.

But even more importantly, are we taking care of ourselves spiritually? Are we opening up the Word and spending time with the Lord? Are we bringing our requests to Him in prayer? Are we letting the Lord restore our souls?

The phrase “we can’t pour from an empty cup” might feel cheesy, but there’s so much truth to it. If you are tired and cranky with your family, eating junk food instead of what fuels your body, not spending time doing things you love

If you haven’t watched the video about filling your cup, check it out here.

Discontentment

If you are comparing your home, your life, your job, your situation, etc. to someone else’s, you will not be content with what you have. And discontentment quickly leads to burnout. It causes you to

If you’re looking at someone else’s home or social media feed and thinking “I wish my house was as clean as hers hers” or “Why aren’t my kids as obedient as hers?” or “Her homeschool curriculum looks so much better than mine!” you will end up adding things into your home, your day, or your homeschool that don’t fit your season or your rhythms.

Comparison breeds discontentment, and discontentment causes you to want more – more stuff, new curriculum, a bigger house.

Wanting to create better or more efficient systems in your home is not bad. Recognizing when you need to change homeschool curriculum is good. Noticing when you need to change something in your parenting or homemaking is good – and putting it into action is better!

But when we sit in that place of discontentment, wallowing in what we don’t have or wishing we had more, better, bigger… it makes us increasingly unsatisfied with what we do have. And it robs us of the blessings around us!

Misplaced priorities

Each season of life has different priorities. The things that you cultivate are the things that will grow.

If you want a healthy marriage, but don’t invest in your relationship, that’s a misplaced priority. If you want your relationship with your kids to grow, but don’t spend quality time with them, that’s a misplaced priority. If you want to grow in your relationship with God, but don’t spend time in prayer, that’s a misplaced priority. If you want your family to eat healthy meals, but you buy fast food, that’s a misplaced priority.

No one can tell you what to prioritize, but misplaced priorities will burn you out quickly. Because none of the things you want to cultivate or you should cultivate will actually grow.

Here’s the elephant in the room: screen time. If you are spending too much time scrolling your social media (I’ve definitely been guilty of this before!) instead of pouring into your family, your relationships, your marriage, your home… your priorities are misplaced. Setting boundaries on your screen time will help you use your time more efficiently and be a more present mom.

Unrealistic expectations

Your expectations play a big role in how you feel about your home, your motherhood, and your homeschool. If your expectations are unrealistic, you are definitely setting yourself up for burnout!

you’re trying to keep a perfectly Pinterest-level clean and organized home all the time
you’re trying cooking every single thing from scratch, but you don’t have the bandwidth
you’re in a hard season, like you have a newborn, but you’re trying to accomplish everything you did before baby was born
you’re unrealistic about how much you can actually accomplish in a day
you’re doing too many activities out of the home and don’t have enough time at home to do all your home/homeschool tasks
you’re expecting your kids to do too many hours of schoolwork each day
you’re holding your kids to unrealistic academic standards or pushing them to go too fast
you’re juggling too many responsibilities (church, homestead, co-op, family, etc.)

How to Prevent it:

So how do you prevent burn out before it happens? The biggest thing to do is to set sustainable rhythms, schedules, and habits. If your daily life isn’t sustainable, you will burnout. This includes your homeschool curriculum, your hobbies, your church commitments, your homemaking tasks, and your job.

No one can do it all – if you are doing too much, or trying to do it all at a pace that isn’t sustainable, burnout is inevitable. So here are some things you can do right now to help create sustainable practices and rhythms in your everyday life:

Shift your mindset – instead of focusing on what you have to do, think about what you get to do. Think about the joy of serving your family (make sure you watch that video if you haven’t yet!) and the blessing of motherhood, instead of the burden. If you are always focused on the hard things, and always surrounding yourself with others who are focused on what’s going wrong in motherhood, you won’t have the space to see the good. You get to choose where to focus your thoughts.

Eliminate the things in your life, schedule, and home that are causing you stress. The world tells us that we need to live at a go-go-go pace. But when we slow down, we’re able to enjoy our families more!

Make your home a space you love – if your home is cluttered or you’re constantly discontent with it, you won’t enjoy being there. Create hygge spaces in your home so that your home is a place you love.

Prioritize the most important daily tasks that need to get done – you won’t be able to do everything, so don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself

Get rest, eat well, and fill your cup – make it a priority to eat nutrient dense foods, get enough sleep, and spend time doing things you enjoy. If you’re in a season where you can’t get out of the house, like if all your kids are really young and you don’t have a support system, take time for a hobby or do at-home date nights or hire a mother’s helper so that you can have some quiet time. You don’t need a spa weekend to reset.

Spend time in the Word and with the Lord; ask the Holy Spirit to root out any bitterness and resentment and turn it into joy

Enjoy your kids – if all you ever do is shuttle kids from place to place, clean up messes, and break up fights between your kids, of course you will think that motherhood is just something you need to survive! Spend time with your kids doing things that they love and things that you love. Find what your family enjoys doing together – go hiking or camping, cook or bake together, visit museums, or watch every Star Wars movie. Have fun together!

Lean on or create community – if you have family or friends, lean on them; ask for help. If you don’t have people who can support you, create community! Find a church or a mom’s group or a homeschool community where you can build relationships. We aren’t made to mother alone!

Release bitterness – there are tasks you need to do over and over. Dishes need to be done everyday. You need to make dinner again tomorrow. Your toddler who doesn’t want to fall asleep without you laying next to him will probably ask for you to lay with him every single day for a month (or more). Instead of grumbling and complaining about these things, release the bitterness over monotonous tasks. They might not be your favorite tasks, but you can change your attitude about them.

Say no – don’t add every good thing to your calendar. You can’t do everything! If saying no is hard for you, practice it. Give yourself a phrase that you can respond with like, “Thanks for thinking of me – I have too many other (family, work, church, etc.) obligations right now, but if I think of someone else who would be a good fit, or if my schedule opens up, I’ll let you know!”

When I get overwhelmed about my home or my motherhood, I find it’s because something needs to change – and it usually means I need to eliminate something. From my schedule, from my home, from my to-do list, or from my expectations.

If my to-do list is too long, I will never be able to accomplish everything on the list. If I am trying to make my home look like a magazine cover, I will always be frustrated when my kids take their socks off in the living room and leave their dishes on the table. If I am putting too many things on my calendar and wearing myself thin, I won’t have time and space to actually do the things I need to get done!

None of us can do it all! It’s so important that we don’t live like we can – or we will burn out!