Over a month ago, I closed my social media apps, not realizing that I was about to begin my first social media detox. I didn’t actually think I was addicted, but my screen time numbers told me otherwise. I was ending my days feeling exhausted, even when I hadn’t really done anything at all. I felt emotionally wired all the time. It took forever to fall asleep. And my kids would have to wait for me to put down my phone every time they tried to talk to me. Addiction actually didn’t seem so far off.
As I began to feel a growing conviction to take control of my screen time, I lined up my excuses:
But I run an online business
But I need social media to work
But I need to stay in the loop on local homeschool events
But I love keeping up with my friends
But I use the app to make connections with other homeschool moms
But I don’t really spend that much time on my phone…
But then my oldest son turned 18.
Suddenly I was overwhelmed with the little amount of time I have left – with him, and the rest of my kids. Here I was, wasting away my days: mindlessly scrolling through reels, creating reels that would be forgotten tomorrow, and doing it all in the name of “content creation.” It all suddenly felt like a waste.
Not being raised in the age of smartphones (ahem, elder millennial), we have set clear and strict boundaries for our kids around technology. We knew that we didn’t want them to grow up with a smartphone in their pockets. We’ve been proudly low-tech, pro-outside, and anti-dopamine addiction. For our kids, anyway.
But where were my boundaries? Who was helping me to navigate social media and the ever-growing technology at my fingertips?
No one.
No one was coming to snatch the phone out of my hands and demand I put it away for the evening. No one was telling me I’d hit my screen time limit for the day. No one was going to tell me to stop wasting time and look my kids in the eyes. I had to do it for myself.
The social media detox
So I started with one day of not opening any social apps. Then two days. Then a week. Then a month.
And the more I put my phone down, the more I realized I had been missing out on my actual real life. And what happened made me never want to open the social apps again.
In the past month I’ve…
- read so many more books
- focused better on ordinary tasks
- kept up on the dishes (which I actually thought I didn’t even know how to do even after 18 years as a SAHM)
- had more brain space to be creative and to think clearly
- regulated my nervous system and slept better than I have in years
- read my Bible more
- been more present with my family
- stopped procrastinating projects that should have been done ages ago
- stopped picking up my phone constantly to check it
- even lost track of my phone throughout the day.
And now I’m wondering… where do I go from here?
The aftermath
I built my business primarily through social media… so how do I successfully run an online business without falling back into social media addiction?
Now that my brain remembers how to think without social media, how do I set healthy boundaries for myself and keep that clarity?
How do I take the good (the beautiful connections and conversations) without letting the bad (the negative posts, addictive qualities, and constant pull to post) impact me?
I don’t actually have the answers to a lot of these questions. I don’t plan on leaving social media for good, but I do know that my relationship with social media – and my phone – has dramatically changed. And I can’t continue on the way things have always been.
I’d like to think that at some point I can find a healthy balance of showing up here and also living my off-social life well. But I honestly just don’t know how to do that yet.
So for now, I’m choosing to be much more present and available in other spaces. The spaces that don’t fuel the dopamine addiction like social media.
Where I’ll be spending my time
My membership The Literary Lounge
The Literary Lounge is where I put the most time and energy, Members get an exclusive podcast, regular live calls, and so many video and PDF resources that aren’t available anywhere else. I’ll be opening quarterly memberships again next week, and I would love so much for you to join us. It’s the most fun. ;)
Join the waitlist for quarterly membership for The Literary Lounge!
Here on my website
This blog and website have been the hub of my business, even before social media existed. Blog posts like this, free book lists and resources, and the learning resources in the shop – these things are the bread and butter of all the content I create.
Some people see this as social media, but for me, I use it a lot like a podcast player, and I don’t have any issues with endlessly scrolling. And while I go in spurts posting videos, I’m still sharing them when I can. There’s definitely a video coming soon with SO many more thoughts about life off social media.
Inside my sort of regular (but sometimes sporadic) email, you’ll get life updates, alerts when something new posts here on the blog or on YouTube, random things I’m loving like books or sweaters or card games, shop updates, and whatever else just happens to cross my mind when I’m sending out the email. ;)
I never thought I’d be one to do a social media detox. I mean, I certainly didn’t need it! And to be honest, I think just doing a social media detox isn’t enough. If I do this and then flop right back into the comfortable old habits I had before, what good was it?
It’s what after the detox that matters. The new boundaries set that actually create new habits. The new habits formed that actually get sustained. The new rhythms of life that actually come out of the detox.
I have more thoughts on all this to come, especially as I figure this all out and try to see if there is a good way to balance it.. But I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave me a comment or shoot me an email.
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